#I actually cant' type today wow

[sourtomatola]

Solar was afraid that after he was falsely arrested and imprisoned for a month, his poor little ornamental pumpkin plant would die without him. To his shock, it instead gained sentience.

I was trying to think of a metaphor for how it must have felt for solar, making something that was basically alive but not sentient, only for it to gin sentience on its own...anyways this is what came to mind. Also instead of dying he was falsely accused and arrested

Part2

[lesbiansanemi]

I have started to accept I am a bit more (re a lot more) psychologically unstable than I thought for a long time and man…. I’m tired of it

[the-californicationist]

Guile & Guilt (Ch. 06)

Johnny texts you while he's deployed, but when he calls you one night, you are forced to face your consequences.

MDNI/18+

Link to AO3

OCTOBER, MONDAY MORNING, TWO WEEKS LATER

Your apartment was bathed in the cold gray light of a foggy morning, and you curled your duvet closer around you trying to stave off the dawn’s chill. You’d been awake for a while, which was very uncharacteristic of you. Usually more of a late riser, the only reason for your early bird behavior was Johnny MacTavish. 

He was three hours ahead of you, and every morning, when the sun came up in the Urzikstani hillside, you were sent an image of Johnny’s hand, clutching whatever his breakfast was that day. Sometimes it was a tin cup of black coffee, other times you’d get a banana or a protein bar. But, it was always his giant hand and a sherbet orange sky. This morning, it was cloudy and dark, and his breakfast of choice was a slab of toast, smeared with butter and jam. 

MoChroi: sunrise_sand.jpg

You: wow. quite the delicacy today. cant believe you found actual jam out there

Mo Chroi: bit suspicious. when the food gets better the missions get worse

You: uh oh

Mo Chroi: dinnae fash thief xx

Mo Chroi: writing today?

You: yep. and meeting with my prof

Mo Chroi: what ya got on then

Mo Chroi: give us a show bonnie

Mo Chroi: is it naughty?? lol

You: nope

You: rangers_tee.jpg

You sent a photo of your torso, cutting out your head, wearing his own tee shirt. His typing bubbles percolated along the bottom of the screen immediately. Then, an indignant response:

Mo Chroi: thief!! xx

You: youre the one who stole my hair tie

Mo Chroi: hairtie.jpg

Mo Chroi: needed a hostage

Mo Chroi: your bad habits are rubbin off. stole cap’s clothes out of the shower this morning

Mo Chroi: price_hat.jpg

You: you learn quick mo chroi

His typing bubbles appeared, and then they disappeared. You watched them pop up in the chat and then vanish three more times until finally all you got was silence. This was a common occurrence, so you tried not to overthink it. Over the past two weeks of texting with him, you knew he disappeared sometimes. He’d get a call to go into the field, or there would be some crisis. You wondered if his captain had discovered his prank. 

The room was still cold, and you were reluctant to leave your cocoon of warmth, but you needed to write. You had promised yourself that you’d go into the office early today before your meeting with your major professor. After a deep sigh and some very challenging mental gymnastics, you stuck a leg out and onto the frigid concrete floor.

Your apartment was very modern. So modern, in fact, that it had been a challenge to make it feel homey. There was very little room inside for anything more than a queen bed, a short futon, and your desk. Your bathroom was sleek and full of brutalist, functional, concrete stylings, but the kitchen was barely big enough for a sink and a toaster oven. You had kept the futon for guests, not that you had many (any) visitors, but aside from the stacks of books in the corners of each room, your entire studio was practical to a fault. 

But, it was enough for you and your rescue cat, Marlowe, so you didn’t complain.

On the wall opposite the front door, a huge plexiglass window overlooked the River Kelvin, conveniently situated right across from some student housing so you could access the bus. Not having a car went against your Floridian roots, but you’d fallen in love with the ease of public transportation. 

After throwing on an oversized sweater and a pair of fleece-lined leggings, you slipped on your wellies and headed to the bus stop. You’d brought a big thermos of coffee, ready to face the day. 

Your phone buzzed again.

Pidge: I’m so excited to see you this weekend!! :D

You: me too! is hammie picking me up after all or no

Pidge: Yes, I told him to be at the platform at 4.

You: cool 

Pidge: Have you spoken with my brother?

You paused for a moment, riding the elevator and staring at your phone. You didn’t want to lie to her, but you probably shouldn’t tell her the truth. The truth was that you’d been texting her brother every day since he left for leave. You went with a half-truth instead:

You: yeah a few times why

She did not respond. You waited for the other shoe to drop like a blindfolded prisoner waits for their firing squad. The bus came to your stop, and you climbed on, sitting on the carpeted seat closest to the door, knowing your stop was only three away. 

When you got to your office, your phone buzzed again. You set your bag and your coffee down before you even looked at it, avoiding touching your cell as if it had thorns. 

You flipped over the screen.

Mo Chroi: make it to the office?

You: office.jpg

Mo Chroi: have a good day today thief

Mo Chroi: helicopter1.jpg

Mo Chroi: going on a wee trip. afk xx

You: promise xx

Mo Chroi: promise xx

Promise. Promise. It was you and Johnny’s little code. You hadn’t liked hearing about his “little trips” in the beginning, especially after he had shown you a photo of his truck, riddled with bullet holes. You used to say “good luck”, but you didn’t like that sound of that. You hoped luck had nothing to do with it. So, you just asked him to promise to text you back or to promise to be safe. And he always replied that he promised he would. Now, it had shortened to your one-word ritual. You always said it and he always said it back. 

Another buzz:

Pidge: No reason. He has my phone charge the little nugget.

You: omg lol 

You were not laughing out loud. If anything, you were sighing in relief. 

It took most of the morning, but you fell into a routine. You had your meeting, came back, and wrote some more. Lunch was a pre-packaged lunch box from the student center and a refill on your coffee. You missed dinner. The sun set on you as you finished a critical section of your thesis, looking it over for flow and mistakes. 

Worn out, and finally feeling hungry again, you checked your phone on your way back to the bus stop. No new messages. You waited for the bus, flipping through his photos again as if you would have forgotten them from when you looked at them from last night. Or the night before last. 

You stopped looking at them, challenging yourself to have a non-Johnny thought in your head for once.

Maybe you would make a ramen with eggs in it tonight. 

Maybe he’ll text you back. 

You could watch another episode of that K-drama you liked. 

Maybe he’ll send you a picture of him shirtless.

You could go for a run.

Maybe he will run his tongue back over your —

The bus came. You blocked out your thoughts from your mind, desperate to regain some semblance of control. 

THURSDAY NIGHT

It had been three days, and you still hadn’t heard from him. You tried not to think about all of the terrible reasons why that might be the case. But, you did. You thought about them all the time. Every time you checked your phone or read an email or scrolled through your feeds; it was the only thing you thought about. 

You had his shirt on again, eating leftover Chinese on your futon. You were thinking about all of the things you needed to take care of before tomorrow. It was Pidge’s bridal shower weekend and you were trying to wrangle all the final touches together. You’d rented out Ettrick’s, at Pidge’s request, and you had sent the invites two weeks ago. Almost everyone had RSVP’d yes, so you were looking at nearly 45 people to host. The custom bridal cookies were set for pick up when Hamish took you into town tomorrow afternoon, and the champagne was paid for. And you were dreading it. 

You were excited to be there for Brigette. She had always been there for you. When you first moved to Scotland, you were well and truly alone. But, she met you for lunch almost every day after class, claiming to need her caffeine fix. But, as time went on, you realized she wanted to be friends. Having no one and being in a new country was so tough, but she had made it feel so easy. So, even though you hated the prim and proper social situation of a shower, you resolved to tough it out. 

You put the half-eaten Chinese back in the fridge and climbed into bed. Your phone buzzed as you went to put it on the charger.

Mo Chroi: you up?

Your heart stopped for a moment, making your breath hitch in your chest. You fumbled with your phone, rushing to open his message.

Mo Chroi: camels.jpg

You: omg! are those REAL

You: shes not a camel but ill trade you one critter pic for a Marlowe pic

You: marlowethecat.jpg

Mo Chroi: her cheeks are brilliant lol so big

You: so your mission went okay?

Mo Chroi: lol yeah. and we got the guy who owned the camels to take a cool pic of us. can you tell which one’s me?

Mo Chroi: group_pic.jpg

You: gotta be number 3

Mo Chroi: how’d you know

You: your wide shoulders. and you always stand like that

Mo Chroi: like my shoulders do you

You: yep 

You: you should send me a selfie

There was a long pause. You were a little afraid that you’d overstepped a boundary. Sure, his long, hungry tongue had been buried between your legs three weeks ago, eating you like he was starving, but people were cagey about their online privacy. You backtracked:

You: if you want to. nbd if not

Mo Chroi: selfie.jpg

You checked the image, and your heart sank like a stone. Johnny wore a green and yellow bruise over his eye, and his head had been shaved.

You: you okay? bruise looks nasty

Mo Chroi: you should see the other lad

You: and they shaved you?

Mo Chroi: got a nasty wee cut on the back of my head and doc sheared me like a damn sheep

He sent you a series of frowny faces and sheep emojis, and you felt a wave of calm settle in your chest. The latent fear was still there, and would be until you saw him again, but it was good to know he was alright. 

FRIDAY MORNING

You were back on the bus, toting around your overnight bag, planning on heading to the train straight after your colloquium lecture this afternoon. Your phone had been beeping at you all morning. Johnny was begging for you to record your talk, asking you to let him sit in on your “class”. 

You: johnny its not a class! its just a lecture. we have to give them every now and then to show what we’ve been doing with our research. its not fun. you’d be bored.

Mo Chroi: meirleach! i dinnae care how fun it is. let me see!!

You: campus.jpg

You: look. its all stuffy and campusy. you wouldnt like it

Mo Chroi: youre breaking my heart lass xx

You smiled. He was so bright, and he made you feel like you were so very special. It was no wonder he was such a danger to single women everywhere. Your confidence was soaring.

When you made it to your office, you sent him another picture of your current work. You were writing a short paper on German poems, not really related to your thesis, for a conference coming up in the spring.

You: look. you dont even speak german! it would be like torture

You: german_poem.jpg   

Mo Chroi: so cool. im beggin you. let me watch you. i won’t say a word. 

You: maybe if you come back a little early from leave next time, you can sneak into one

Mo Chroi: if i survive this training, i will. 

Mo Chroi: thinking about seeing you up there teaching. got me all turned on

You sent him an emoji with a shocked look on its face, feigning coy shyness. He was relentless.

Mo Chroi: think youd let me be teachers pet?

You: more like class clown

Mo Chroi: you did seem fond of all of my tricks. wanna see what else i can do?

You: lecture_hall.jpg

You: i have to prep for this talk. keep your naughty thoughts to yourself soldier

Mo Chroi: yes maam 

Mo Chroi: wait!

You: what

Mo Chroi: before you go. what color knickers are you in

Mo Chroi: just trying to imagine your lecture 

Mo Chroi: with accuracy

Mo Chroi: cmon lass. for extra credit

You smiled down at your phone again, knowing your answer was going to win this little back and forth game he was playing.

You: im not wearing any this morning. gonna do my washing at your place.

Mo Chroi: jesus mary and joseph

You: and all the saints?

Mo Chroi: every one of them xx

Your lecture went off without a hitch. You earned yourself a few crowd questions and a round of polite applause. Stopping back by your office on the way out, you grabbed your laptop and headed for the bus stop. You’d forgotten your phone was on silent, and it wasn’t until you made it to the train station that you realized it. Two missed calls from Pidge and three texts from her brother.

You checked the texts as you returned her call, unable to hold yourself back from seeing what he wrote to you.

She answered quickly,

“Hey! Are you on your way?”

“Yep,” you replied, “I’ll be there around three forty-five, I think.”

“Okay, perfect. I just wanted to tell you that we’re adding two more to the list. Anjali invited Steph and Tiff. Is that alright, babes?”

You tried not to groan directly into the mouthpiece,

“Yes! The more the merrier.”

What were you going to do about the seating chart? You’d figure it out later. 

“Fantastic! You’re amazing, hen. You know that?”

“Anything for you, bestie.”

She kissed you over the phone and hung up. You let out that sigh you’d been holding. As much as you loved her, you were ready for your friend’s wedding to be over with..

You checked the messages from Johnny, looking to escape from your thoughts again. He was the perfect distraction.

Mo Chroi: oh fuck no

Mo Chroi: its dog day for training

Mo Chroi: army_dog.jpg

You: you dont like dogs?

Mo Chroi: not these

Mo Chroi: had a bad time with attack dogs in russia a few tours back

The train arrived and you got settled. You weren’t sure how to respond. It was back again, that funny feeling in your chest about him being in constant danger. You didn’t know how to handle it. It wasn’t like you could ask him to stop. That was his job, and he was one of the best. He’d been enlisted on this elite task force, and even though you barely understood what that meant, you knew it was special. What right did you have to stand in the way of his greatness? The world needed Sergeant Johnny MacTavish, and you were just a distraction. 

You waited for him to text again, a distraction for you and you for him. A two-way street. That’s all it was, right? How could it be anything more? 

You thought about his sister. She’d been so painfully clear about her boundaries. You imagined telling her you liked him, telling her you wanted to date him. She’d explode. There’d be Scottish yelling, and Scottish fighting, and Scottish siblings rowing at each other all over the house. You couldn’t do that to her, especially not now. So, you just went back to distracting him.

You: did you get bitten?

Mo Chroi: yeah, right on the belly. those bastards. can you see it 

Mo Chroi: shirtless.jpg

You gasped audibly, hoping no one had heard you on the train. You’d already seen him naked, but having a picture of his bare, muscled torso on your phone was another thing entirely. You glanced around, checking behind you and clutching your screen to your chest, holding it to you shamefully, praying no one saw it. 

You typed a message, then deleted it. You tried again, and then deleted it. You knew he could see your text bubbles popping up, and it embarrassed you to no end. Eventually, you decided to just be honest.

You: youre so damn hot

The wait was going to kill you. Seconds became minutes, which became hours, which became eons. You stared at the bottom of your message like it would disappear if you looked away. You opened the picture of his bare torso again, unable to stop yourself from indulging in his huge body. You knew how those muscles felt, and you wanted to feel them again.

He didn’t respond. Your heart sank like a rock. You felt the train screech to a halt at the station, and it took everything in you to pocket your phone and leave the car.

You marched down to meet Hamish, trying to control the look on your face. 

“Hey! Over here!” he called to you from the carpark.

You saw his smiling face and tried to match his energy,

“Hey! Thanks for coming.”

“You bet,” he said as he took your bags. 

“Can we stop by the bakery around the corner? They’ve got all the cookies and pastries we ordered for tomorrow.”

“Of course, lass. No problem. Hop in.”

Hamish drove you around, the perfect gentleman, carrying box after box of dessert for his fiance’s shower, storing them carefully in the boot of the car. 

“Wow, these smell incredible, don’t they,” he crooned, “Wish I could crash your wee party.”

“No boys allowed,” you said wryly, smiling at him, eliciting a genuine laugh.

The rest of the drive passed in companionable silence. He talked a little about his research, and you shared a bit about yours, mentioning your latest lecture. Otherwise, you checked your phone constantly. 

Then, just as you pulled into the driveway of the MacTavish house, you got a text.

Unknown: Hello this is Captain John Price. Sergeant MacTavish’s phone is dead, and he is making me text you the word: promise. 

You: oh thank you. can you tell him promise back?

Captain: Roger

Your stomach twisted for a different reason now. He wasn’t upset with you, which was a relief, but he had just shipped out on another mission. It was so sudden, it seemed like an emergency. You saved the captain’s number in your phone, just in case. 

After hugging Pidge and helping Hamish with the boxes, you unpacked your bags and started the laundry. You met Pidge in the living room, watching her put the finishing touches on some gift bags.

“These are cute,” you commented, feeling the soft ripple of the ribbons tied around the bags in your fingers. 

“Thanks,” she said as she fixed one of the bows, “Hope I made enough.” 

“They’ll live,” you smiled. 

“Hey, did you hear from Johnny again?”

“Uh…no, why?” You panicked.

“He said he doesn’t have my charger but now that muppet is not answerin’ me. Gonna pop him when he’s down for Christmas, I swear.”

“He’s coming back for the holidays?” You asked, a little too enthusiastically. 

Pidge cut her eyes up at you briefly, responding in a measured voice,

“Yeah, just a week. Why?”

You wracked your brain for a reason, pretending to look at the calendar on your phone. Finally, you said,

“Think he’d drive me up from Glasgow? The train is awful at Christmas.”

“Oh,” she sighed, “God, he’s so irresponsible, babes. Not sure I trust him to get you here on time. But, I’ll threaten him. He’ll do it for me. He’s been so accommodating lately. Johnny boy is like a new man.”

“Oh, really?” You weren’t sure where this conversation was going, but you pried anyway.

“Did you know he paid for the rehearsal dinner? The whole damn thing! Having it at the wee distillery and everything. Right proper party we’ll be havin’. Cannae believe it.”

The Auchentoshan Distillery was Old Kilpatrick’s pride and joy. He’d spent a pretty penny if he’d booked it out for her.

“He loves you,” you confessed softly.  

“He tries to,” she said a little bitterly.

You watched her pack up the bags, and you began to wonder about their relationship with each other. It was clear to you that there was some immovable object that was being pressed upon by some unstoppable force. They were at a quiet, bubbling impasse, ready to boil over at any moment. Yes, they loved each other. But, Johnny and Pidge had diverged somewhere, and it was a rift that needed to be mended. 

The washer buzzed. You went to move over the clothes. 

“I’m heading over to grab the girls. Wanna come?” Pidge asked you, her keys in hand. 

“No room,” you observed, realizing they wouldn’t all fit in the car.

“Ugh, guess you’re right, hen. No worry, we’ll be right back. I’m excited to have a girls’ night.”

“Me, too,” you lied. 

Well, it was a half-lie. You didn’t mind a girls’ night. It was more the fact that you’d have to hide your phone from view as you waited for Johnny to report he was back safe and sound. 

After Pidge left, you crawled into his sheets. The memories of you and your soldier came flooding back again, but this time they swirled together with all of the complexities that you were facing. The simplicity of that brief night you shared had become warped by reality, and you realized you needed to come to terms with your emotions before you got hurt. 

FRIDAY EVENING

Your phone buzzed in your hand, waking you. It was warm from being on the charger and covered up by your body. You hoped that didn’t break anything. Sleep had taken you over like a surging wave. You didn’t realize how exhausted you were from your week. 

Unknown: heyyyyy this is soaps mate kyle. he wanted to let you know we’re back. 

You: thanks for letting me know

Kyle: you bet

You were kicking yourself. You should have asked if he was okay. Just when you were about to ask Kyle to check on him, you heard the keys jingle in the door. Swinging your feet to the wooden floor, you got out of bed and met the gaggle of ladies in the foyer.

Cheek kisses, bright hellos and how-are-yous filled the once-quiet house, and you pocketed your phone, trying to distance yourself from the pang of concern. 

You tried to keep up with the fast-paced conversation, but you weren’t the social butterfly that Pidge was. Anjali, Bekah, and Cherise were all gushing about their own lives, and you had very little to share. They were polite enough, asking you about your studies and pretending to care when you answered them.

“Oh, cool,” Cherise said, sipping on wine out of one of Pidge’s nicer glasses, “Poems are cool.”

“Yeah, I was Juliet in that one play,” Bekah said, proudly. 

“And she’ll never let us forget it either,” Anjali rolled her eyes, and everyone laughed.

They were quick to forget you again, turning back to their recent Tinder date disasters and successes. 

“And this bloke - the one with the beard thing - he ask me and this other girl to the same restaurant, on the same night! I thought she was gonna kill him right there in front of the maître de!” Anjali lamented.

Cherise smiled like a Cheshire cat, 

“Lachlan is taking me on his boat next weekend.”

“We know! Shut up about the boat, you slag,” Bekah clipped. 

Cherise shot back quickly, 

“You’re just mad ‘cause Soap hasn’t texted you today.”

You gave the girls your full attention now. You darted your eyes to Pidge who rolled them, but looked otherwise unbothered. Bekah turned her phone around and you saw the image she was eager to display,

“He’s on bloody thin ice. I asked for a pic of him in his uniform, and all he sent me was a picture of some nasty sand!”

Your chest clenched tight enough that you couldnt breathe. It was your picture. Your morning photo from a few days ago. He was holding his breakfast, outstretched, and you could even see your hair tie on his wrist, the rolling dunes of the desert stretching out before him into infinity. 

“Men, am I right?” Anjali finished her wine. 

Maybe she was right. 

SATURDAY MORNING

You’d slept beside Anjali that night, sharing the bed willingly but not enthusiastically. She had snored through most of it, and you’d barely gotten any sleep. It wasn’t just her snoring that kept you up. In fact, you were using her as a scapegoat. You had been thinking about Johnny. 

It was like you were having a war in your mind. On one hand, it was just a picture of some sand, but on the other, you had no idea how many texts they had shared before or after that. Your heart broke easily, shattering melodramatically, whining about how you weren’t special and that if you didnt control yourself, you’d be sorry for it. He was just a playboy, just like everyone said.

Your brain, however, begged you to see reason. He sent her a picture of sand, not his naked torso, and he had forced his teammates to text you your passcode when he went on his mission. Surely that was enough proof that he cared about you and not Bekah.

It wasn’t enough, said the heart. 

It has to be enough, said the head. 

It shouldn’t even be happening, said the soul. 

You watched the sun peek through the blinds just as they had when you’d been wrapped in Johnny’s arms, naked and warm against his pink skin. 

You sighed and got up to shower. 

The party was at two, so you had plenty of time. You made it over to Ettrick’s early to help set up, walking alone since you knew the others would be in heels and wouldn’t all fit in the car. You’d brought flats, sensible but stylish, and a comfortable, albeit sparkly, maxi dress. You felt like shit. Sleep would have been nice, you thought. 

Hamish had delivered all of the boxes for you this morning, and the wait staff at Ettrick’s was setting it out for you. You rearranged it as artfully as you could, and you were just about finished when your phone buzzed.

Mo Chroi: phone’s alive! sorry i disappeared on you thief. forgive me?

You: glad youre ok

You: party starts soon

You: cookies.jpg

You: dessert_table.jpg

Mo Chroi: wow! did you do all that? pigeon is gonna be chuffed

Mo Chroi: heading out to the next spot

Mo Chroi: helicopter2.jpg

You: want me to tell Bekah hi? she was waiting on you to text her back last night

Mo Chroi: ?? no 

Mo Chroi: why 

Mo Chroi: what did she say

Mo Chroi: thief? 

You: just that she was hoping you would text her back. idk

You thought about it for a little while before sending a final text.

You: i think she wanted more than just a sunrise. 

SATURDAY NIGHT

You had three missed calls from Johnny, but you were too busy trying to deal with gift unwrapping, keeping the peace at the over-crowded tables, and rushing out appetizer trays when the wait staff became too overwhelmed. It was chilly tonight, but you were sweating under your long dress. 

You thought about what you’d said to Johnny, and you were mad at yourself for trying to get a rise out of him. You didn’t want to be the one playing games, and you needed to curb your jealousy. He was allowed to text whoever he wanted, just like you were.

You: sorry. cant pick up. busy with your sister

You: champagne.jpg

Mo Chroi: answer my calls thief

Mo Chroi: i have to drive the rig but im calling you as soon as we get to our site

Mo Chroi: trucks.jpg

Mo Chroi: at least tell me when you get back. promise

You: promise

SUNDAY, 0200

You: i made it back to my apartment. hamish drove me. train was down for maintenance.

You: marlowe-in-a-bag.jpg

You: marlowe is mad that i was gone

Mo Chroi: im glad youre alright.

Mo Chroi: gaz took this at our training today

Mo Chroi: group_pic2.jpg

You: yall look tough

You: whos the one in the middle

Mo Chroi: thats the captain and ghost has the dog

Mo Chroi: go to bed thief. its late 

Mo Chroi: sunrise2.jpg

Mo Chroi: can i call you later? its important

You: ok

SUNDAY, NOON

You woke to the sound of rain. A loud peal of thunder pulled you from the darkness of your sleep. You would have stayed with Pidge, but you just couldn’t face his bed again. Hamish was happy to be your chauffeur, even after you learned that the train was out of service. You tried to buy him some gas, but he adamantly refused. 

A headache stung behind your eyes, drilling into you, punishing you for the champagne. You hadn’t been drunk, but it had been sweet, and now you were paying the price for your sugar rush. You checked your phone.

Pidge: hHad such a great night!!. Thanku for everytingf i lov youuuu!!

Pidge: omg Anji just boked inthe sink

You didn’t reply. She was probably still asleep, along with the rest of the household. There was nothing from Johnny, yet. It wasn’t unusual. He was busy with terrorism, you figured. He would text you if he wanted to text you. 

Digging in your freezer, you found some leftover soup and put it on to reheat. Your phone rang.

The selfie of you and Johnny at Glencoe flashed onto your screen. You let it ring again before you picked up.

“Hey,” you said softly, your voice still hoarse from sleep.

“You still asleep, thief. I’m sorry to wake you,” he didn’t sound sorry. 

“It’s okay,” you sighed, “Just making some soup. Rainy here. Cold.”

You: rainy_window.jpg

He groaned, and you could hear the creak of a mattress in the background,

“Mm. Spent the whole day on my belly doing target practice. I miss home.”

Mo Chroi: sniperpractice.jpg

“Yeah? Looks sandy and hot. Too bad there’s no beach,” you stirred the soup.

“I miss you, mo mèirleach.”

You stopped stirring the soup. 

“I miss you, too.”

“Do you? Or are you cross about my texting Beks?”

“Both,” you went back to stirring the soup.

“Sent it to Hamish, too. You cross about tha’?”

You sent back silence. 

“And if I told you Bekah’s an old friend from grammar school, and that’s all she’ll ever be, would you believe me, lass?”

Silence was all you had to give, apparently. Finally, you poured the soup into a big bowl and set it down on your coffee table, shoving your papers and books aside, and said, 

“This soup looks amazing. Wanna see it?”

You: soup.jpg

“Thief. She’s just a friend.”

“I think there’s a song about this actually…”

“I think I’m fallin’ for you, and I need to know if you’re fallin’ for me, too.”

The bite of soup you were about to take hovered in your spoon, frozen in time. You could hear him breathing in your ear, waiting on your response. You could feel your heart shudder in your chest. 

“Johnny. We can’t…”

“Don’t. Don’t start with tha’ mess, thief. Tell me you aren’t fallin’ for me, and I’ll stop. No more texts. I’ll leave it alone.”

“She’ll never forgive me, Johnny. I don’t have anybody else, don’t you get that? I’m not even from here. I’m spending Christmas with her because I don’t have anywhere else to go. You have a whole town who loves you, and she’s your sister. She’ll forgive you in a heartbeat.”

“You have me, don’t you, thief?”

“Do I?”

It was his turn to push silence out through time and space, sending it up to the cellular satellites and mirroring it back down to you. Firing frustrated breathing noises across cables and wires and whatever other stupid fucking technology was happening to you right now. 

“Alright, lass.”

The phone beeped at you to inform you that the call had ended, but you kept it pinned on the shell of your ear, desperate for even a moment of that silence again. You regretted your honor the moment you’d held it up, and you were angry at yourself for keeping a promise you’d promised to keep. 

The phone clattered to the coffee table. The soup went cold. 

MONDAY MORNING

There was no sunrise text for you this time. Your phone didn’t have any notifications at all, in fact.  You made it all the way to the bus before you caved.

You: bus.jpg

You waited. Then, you waited some more. Nothing happened. You tried not to cry, and you failed. Luckily, the bus was empty, and the driver didn’t care about you enough to ask what was wrong.

WEDNESDAY MORNING

You: stuck in the library today. office is being cleaned.

You: library.jpg

Again, you were met with the cold emptiness of staring at your own responses at the bottom of your messages. You tried not to feel the sting of it, but you failed at that, too.

THURSDAY MORNING

You: giving a lecture today. kinda nervous about this one.

You: lectureroom2.jpg

You: hope youre okay

FRIDAY MORNING

Your phone buzzed three times, waking you up with a jolt. It was still dark outside. You fumbled with your phone, rushing to see the messages. 

Kyle: Hey this is Kyle, Soap’s mate. We’re heading back to the black site, so it’ll be a few weeks until you hear from him. 

Kyle: airplane_loading.jpg

You: thanks for telling me

Kyle: Soap asked me to tell you he promises??  I think thats what he said.

You: tell him i promise

You: and can you tell him that i made a mistake? he was right. about everything.

You: and im sorry.

Kyle: Will do!

You stared out of the window until the deep purples of night gave way to a cool pink morning glow, and you watched as the sun stretched its gentle arms up and over the river.

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

Chapter 07

[miceonvenny]

I CANT I CANT THE LAST CHAPTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Spoilers below!!

Stop cause their friendship(debateable) is so cute man. i love their stupid banter, their bickeringggg for two people that hate eachother they sure get on well i wanna see them happyyyy

THE GUILTTTTTTT IM SOBBINGGGGG

UGHHHHHHH I CANT EVEN PUT WHAT IM THINKING INTO WORDSSSS BUT THE CONSTANT RELATION TO DOGS IN THIS FIC REALLY MAKES THIS LINE HIT HARDER THAN IT ALREADY DOES

GOOD GOD. THIS ENTIRE SEGMENT OF SNAPE IN THE INFIRMARY????? THERE WAS NO NEEEEDDDDDDDDDD HIS GRIEF. HIS MOURING. HIS ANGER. IT WAS ALL WRITTEN SO WELL. IT FEELS SO REAL

SHUT UPPP IM LITERALLY ALREADY IN TEARSSSS YOU'RE MAKING IT SO MUCH WORSEEEEEE

AND THESE TWO??????????????????? OH MY GOD. YOU MUST BE TRYING TO END ME??? THEYRE SO.. ARRGGSHSHGSGHSG I LOVE THEMM. HONESTLY, I JUST WANNA SEE BLAISE AND DAZAI HAPPY😭😭😭 I WANNA SEE ALL OF THEM HAPPYYY GET THEM A GROUP CHAT VIA OWLS RN.

Honestly, only one thing to say to this one, and it's damn.

THE COIN FLIPPINHGGGG. AGAIN MY BRAIN IS WAY TOO CRAZY TO TYPE ANY OF MY THOUGHTS BUT I LOVE THAT IT'S HERE

When I tell you, I almost crieeeddd😭😭😭

But in all honesty, I knew this was coming, and I don't mind. I'm satisfied - more than satisfied, actually. These two books have actually... wow, I've genuinely never felt this way towards any fic before. I actually sat staring at my notification bar, waiting for gmail to pop up(only to be disappointed because it's just something irrelevant, like my accounts being compromised or smth😒), and when it did today, I actually squeaked. Not kidding, btw, I squeaked and physically reacted. Lock me away. But enough about my obviously worrying mental health!

This fic. This series, M&M. I'm so happy I found this when I did.

Allegory, if you (somehow) see this post, I just wanna say: Thanks for the ride, and I wish you well!

[uriekukistan]

HI RIN!!!

For the WIP ask: How about 3, 4, 10, 15, and 16? Hope you have a great day!

HIII THANK YOU FOR THE ASK :D sorry for the late reply i've been feeling kinda sick but i fear you've hit the yap button w these....though unfortunately i dont have enough of any of these written to provide a proper snippet my apologies </3 HOPE YOURE DOING WELL !!

3 - WIP I talk about (hasn't started yet)

this is a more recent idea that i just had and talked a bit abt on here i might refine it some before i actually start writing it, but in short i was thinking what if. when yuuji died at the detention center megumi accidentally cursed him? i’ve been thinking of yuuji as a rika-like curse or maybe (probably) something more humanoid but. imagine the GUILT that megumi would feel ooohhhggg it would hurt so bad i need to think more about this  but i have had the idea for a while about itafushi cursing each other at the detention center…..now that i have more time i can actually work on fleshing this out so 

4 - WIP that is secretly rotting my brain & 10 - WIP I started because because of a song

not to combine two asks again i SWEAR its related 

actually i don’t think i’ve ever talked abt this one before…maybe with like one person. and i haven’t started it yet either but it lives in my brain RENT FREE. but its a horror/angst idea inspired by jjk 266 because im EVIL

basically the idea is that in order to reach megumi’s soul, yuuji has to travel Through sukuna’s soul. in doing this, he basically experiences life as sukuna like all the atrocities he committed and cannibalism, some other things. and he’s conscious the whole time but can’t stop anything even he tried because he’s just living sukuna’s memories. ooooh the guilt the sickness the trauma i need to write this idea so bad

the reason i included 10 in this is because i first got the idea when i was listening to “talk” by hozier and the line about the voice that urged orpheus and the choiceless hope in grief. the fic doesnt really align with erm the rest of the song but like the idea of yuuji going through literal Hell to save megumi (like he didnt go through enough already) and the way i saw that in the jjk universe was sukuna’s soul

15 - WIP that is just all my favorite tropes bound together with the power of love

i would say koi no yokan but since i finished editing the last chapter today i feel like that doesnt count as a wip anymore :( 

now i’d say it’s my (unstarted) actor au because it has slow burn elements, historical elements (IM SO EXCITED ABT THIS), secret/forbidden romance…probably lots of meddling (/affectionate) nobara. i havent fully planned it out yet bc i don’t like to have too many active multichapters at once </3 but i love the idea of writing itafushi falling in love twice in parallel stories 🥹

16 - WIP that has an audience of 1 and it is me

is this an appropriate time to talk abt original work……………………………i’ve never talked abt that here before omg

it’s still in its infancy im talking world and characters barely in existence (i’m better at plotting first and building as necessary but idk idk) but this morning i actually came up w a title for it and a vague beginning and ending so i can start building more from there but. 

its a fantasy story set in a fictional kingdom (wow big shocker /s) and the idea that i’ve centered my plot around so far is this doomsday cult. here’s a lil peak into my lore doc (hides faster than the speed of sound) (yes i named the cult before the kingdom what about it)

the story is tentatively named (though i will probably stick with it) "when the sun bleeds red" after the first line of the prophecy. which to me not only refers to the prophecy but the type of imagery i'll be striving for with the more violent scenes kjdgfhfjdh

i'll be running away and hiding myself in a ditch now cant believe i spoke abt my original work publicly

[lesbiansforlesbiansforheiyaakane]

got taken down on ao3 lemme see if tumblr will let me post

basically posting this until i get my new ao3 account approved and get un suspended and am able to post an explanation

vro the tumblr community is to different to the ao3 one 💔

one thing i do not understand is why i have to filter out the bloody “anal sex” and “anal fingering” tags while trying to read fluff fics. i am angry. do you not have shame. why is there more chirisu fics than arisagi fics.. justice for my girl. why does no one post anything about uta? 😓 why does everyone love niragi fics and think hes attractive and excuse his actions but when i say i love shibuki or akane everyone is angry 💔. there are once again rarely any fics of wlw relationships and its killing me slowly 💔. why is writers block a thing. it makes me angry, frustrated and bored. because i want to write fics for all my amazing ships (they never interacted but trust) but i cant because the words dont work 💔 writing is so awkward especially because my reading and writing skills are at a year 4 level … why do people make non con fics. they arent smut. they arent anything but fetishising awful things. why do people hate when i say “lisa x uta canon 😛” or “lisa x mira canon” and then turn around and ship chirisu or chishisya and ann 💔 are we deadass 💔

no one gets me when i say i genuinely ship all wlw ships because im so starved of representation 💔 life is unfair 💔💔 i wishh i liked the popular ships but why tf would i ship a rapist and a not normal and insane human being? *cough* chisiragi *cough*

(looking at you “tatteredandtorn” i hope someone tatters and tears you)

why are all the  mlm ships just pay gorn?

who is gorn and why do i have to pay him?

what is gex and why do i have to say it?

who is lex and why do i need to know they are serbian?

heh… sesbian lex

wow that is it for the day see yall tmrw 💔💔💔

why is ts (this) longer than my actual fanfictions 💔

TSTSTSTSTSTSTS 

whats the difference between

fascism, communism, socialism, capitalism and condensation?

they are the same rhing 💔 [angry] 

i read a tad bit of the manga.

Notes:

crashou

Chapter Text

i read the manga a bit and im crashing out why do i need to see 13 unnecessary boob shots and 3 overly sexual for no reason (not including the chota and her scene) of shibuki. and yes i counted to be accurate. and 6 more overtly sexual scenes for women who werent shibuki.

im crashing out. why is it so pervy.

heiya and shibuki are innocent. the tv show did them dirty. heiya is deadass in highschool.

why does no one have 

media literacy..

the reason characters survived impossible things and others died easily is because they did or didn’t die in the meteor thing.

niragi gooners make me uncomfortable. 

im gna mk a fnfc sn bt i hv no mtvtn (heh.. no vowels)

what is fascism. what is communism. what is socialism. what is capitalism. what is condensation. why does no one tell me these things. 

WHY IS THE ENTIRE FANDOM PAY GORN… WHY DO I TRY TO READ A SHIBUKI FIC AND THE COMMENTS ARE “heh.. i dont like her but this is ok” I DONT GET IT!! BUT NIRAGI FICS ARE ALL “hes so misunderstood i can fix him!” BE QUIET FOR ONCE YOU INSOLENT GOONERS. 

some of yall in this fandom do not deserve internet privileges. the dubious consent tag will be the death of me.

this is a light crash out today but i will update when i something

PMOPMOPMOPMOPMOPMOPMOPMOPMOTSTSTSTSTSPMOPMOPMO.

TS(THIS)DNTPMO

Summary:

heh.. no crashout

Chapter Text

heh.. thank you for the comments saying my crashout is real 🙂‍↕️ big compliment and i thank you 🙏/gen

wait did someone else say big? like massive. you know what else is massive 

low taper fade.

cant think of much that PMO rn but niragi gooners are getting on my last nerves as usual heh.. 

pacific rim. what the fuck is it im so confused.

Chapter Text

what the fuck is pacific rim. im so confused. there are so many pacific rim crossovers. so i look it up and its a fucking kaiju godzilla type shit. 

no. i mutter to myself. why. why does the kaiju universe follow me around. i barely escaped when my brother watched kaiju films 24/7. coming back to haunt me.

why would i want to read alpha/beta/omega fics. no. they are bad. they are odd. im all for respecting kinks or whatever if you shut up and leave it inside your house. but we are not wolves guys. i promise you arisu is not chisiyas little sub. you are not slick guys. i will catch you.

i am not gonna read your furry porn you incompetent basement dwellers.

”they touched tales” no they didnt. 

no.

no.

no.

no.

i cant do this anymore fr3akb0b. 

“i wish i was usagi” i wish i was a badass rock climber too. but insane takes such as “she shouldnt have complained” are not it. 

this fandom reeks of misogyny. yall can’t appreciate a female character and its painfully obvious how much you hate women. 

“waiter waiter, more yuri please” i request as i lick the yuri crumbs off my plate. “no you can not has yuri” said the waiter who was actually the fuck you writer. 

what if i said… daimon x uta. 

“does this have spice?” its warrior cats you virgin dweeb. its the very hungry caterpillar. its a dictionary. spice is the eighth word down on the cambridge dictionary website in the “ s ” section and the 

“Words from

spermatozoa

to

spider's web”

section. 

boy oh boy do i have a huge hate relationship with x reader fics. they are good and you can imagine any character in to it but dont expect me not to say “that aint me..” when you start talking about how im 4”11 and 30 kg… i guarantee you i am not. im not rapunzel. 

thank you for coming to my fr3akb0b talk. until next time your pay gorn addict freaks… 

TSTSTSTSTSTSTSTSTSTSTSPMOPMOPMOPMOPMOPMOPMO💔💔💔💔

once again… what is fascism, what is communism, what is socialism, what is capitalism, what is constitution heh… thats a new one

Summary:

wow 2 chapters a day at least?! 🙂‍↕️i am making as many crash outs as possible because i crash out so often. this fandom is like a prison but your cellmate wont stop bloody masturbating. comments and kudos are all appreciated and give me my motivation which is why i have put out so many chapters.

Notes:

id like to be clear im not criticising any authors specifically. id also like to be clear that this chapter contains mentions of non consensual sex, domestic violence and suicide all briefly and to be expected with niragi discussions but i want to make sure people are keeping themselves away from triggers. drink lots of water and eat, unless you lile niragi, then you can starve.

Chapter Text

some of yall be taking the smut fics a little 🤏 too far… i only read them so i can crashout chat. unless its wlw. i read every wlw fic no matter what. it takes 5 BLOODY MINUTES because there is no yuri.

“he gets whipped by him trust ! ” i do not trust. the only person cracking whips is britneymy queen. 

“you have to respect people” i do not want to. please dont make me. why are you turning them into sharks and asking why there is no marine life au’s. why would there be? im shaking is this real. 

i would like to point out that when i wrote “turning” i wrote it wrong as turing it tried to correct to “yuri girl.” 

why is the brainrot funny edits of aib characters non existent. theres only a few accounts i can trust… 

why why why why why why why would i read blood drinking pay gorn. why would i drink blood. why would you drink blood. where are you getting it from? is it my blood? is it your blood? is it our blood? how are you getting enough to drink. who is getting it. 

“niragi suguru redemption” this m, former president. /ref 🤦‍♀️ you cannot redeem a rapist. it is not possible. “oh he wqs bullied” so are many people. if every bulliest (for lack of “attacker, attackee” situation word) became a rapist we would be going through an even worse suicide epidemic and domestic violence cases situation. NOTHING. and i mean nothing. can excuse such vile and disgusting acts. 

what is condensed milk. what is condensation. NOBODY TELLS ME NOTHING.

shorter chapter but one nonetheless.

🙂‍↕️🙂‍↔️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↔️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↔️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↔️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↔️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↔️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Summary:

so no one told me

Notes:

tw for talking about non consensual sexual acts (sexual violence) please take a break from this chapter if that could trigger you and have a nice hot drink ❤️

Chapter Text

“Akane is a rapist she cant be one of your favourites” said the media illiterate person. 

So what people seem to not understand is that what akane did to arisu was not rape, and classifying it as that is incorrect information.

SO APPARENTLY I FELL ASLEEP OR SOMETHING FOR 5 MINUTES OF THAT EPISODE BECAUSE WHAT?!

I completely missed the fact that she literally was raped by a doctor so she could live, i saw someone say she consented. pardon? People do realise he would have assaulted her anyway right? Also she is 16/17 which is HS 2/ Year 12/ 11th Grade as “our last summer IN highschool” and quora and I agree that 11th grades summer is the last one whilst you are in highschool, 12th grade summer would be after graduating so to all the people also excusing by saying she was 19 she wasnt, the doctor was a rapist and pedophile. Him conveying that sex is the main thing that matters in the borderlands would have had an effect on her. Now this doesnt mean i condone what she did but people are ignoring that she has been manipulated whether he was purposefully manipulating her or not into believing that doesnt matter. 

We also see when aguni shows up that he said no and she respected that from the context clues that are given in the scene, so saying that she sexually assaulted aguni is false. They cut out (from what ive heard as i havent read the manga fully or much at all to be fair) the scene were aguni talks about sa’ing usagi but decided that all the women who could have been actually appreciated as the strong female characters they were, had to have their backstory erased and viewed as rapists. Either way, the author of aib shouldn’t even be using SA as a plot device in the first place. 

Wow uh i just realised that this has gone from being a crashout compilation to me using big words 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ stay safe and 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ on, or youll pmo

word count is 349 because i used a heh.. calc (slang for calculator) 

i love you quora

a little aggressive. if you’re offended then it was probably directed to you.

Chapter Text

shoutout to all the cunts putting m/m under the f/f tag and not even having women in it. you all suck i hope you die. xx

TSTSTSTSTSTSTS

Summary:

by the way if its not enough to make a whole new chapter on i will just be updating this chapter cause im feeling calm but tell me if you wanna see me rating characters or ships or smth [cute] (tiktok emoji 💔)

Chapter Text

wont be posting as much anymore as im spending more time with people in my personallife.. heh.. but check me out on tiktok, or dont i dont mind

HAVE YALL READ HANDS SO BLOODY TASTES LIKE HONEY OH MY GOD IM (S)CREAMING (both heh…) ITS SO GOOD I LITERA SET ALARMS FOR EVERY SATURDAY OH MY GOD

i feel like i have the equivalent of “moots” on ao3 like we read the same stuff, i see them everywhere, and they comment on my fics and i comment on theres and when i spot them in the comments of fanfics its like “yipee”

i will probably make a new long rant quite soon but im trying to be more active on pinterest and tiktok, im also not as angry anymore becaus my pretty girlfriend is nice [cute] i literally lkve the tijtok emojis like i go through a phase if using them like it was [proud] then [happy] [embarassed] [flushed] then it was [hehe] and now its [cute] 😭

anyways heiya x momoka rarepair unlocked, momoka x asahi is one of the first ships i shopped, ann x usagi, mira x usagi, uta x risa, risa x usagi, kuina x mira, kuina x usagi, daimon x shibuki rarepair unlocked, mirann has always been one of my faves and hear me out on heiya x ann but only if heiya wasnt 16 and ann like 26 obviously 🙂‍↕️ i refuse to ship minors with adults but i think if they had been the same age they would be soulmates. i know people say that and it comes off creepy but i swear i am the biggest hater of pdfl ships. i really like emi x shibuki or emi x asahi icl and as you can tell i really like wuh luh wuh rarepairs theyre so cute [cute] if you have any fav rarepairs tell me because i always need new ones [cute]

please please please if you like jibyeok read my fic “hopelessly devoted to you” under my pseud “jiyeongglazer” and let me know what you think so i can improve!

another small edit! PLEASE READ panda_loves_sappho FICS RHEY ARE SO GOOD AND HEARTBREAKING I LOVE THEM 💔

shoutout to the 3 kuiann smut fics carrying the wlw fandom.

tahts well lush mate

Notes:

tw for discussion of sexual assault and pedophilic behaviour mentioned, i do not condone either of those and if those might upset you please skip todays chapter and ill see you another time ❤️ have a hot bath and a relax and watch kitten videos and my dms on tiktok, tumblr or insta are always open ❤️

im back after a break

Chapter Text

i getta see my girlfriend tomorrow 🙂‍↕️ i miss her so much its been a month 💔 and we get the new chapter of hands so bloody and im still waiting for kuiann to scissor 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 stay strong my lesbiana soldiers 🫡

also yall know you can change the publication date on your fics? well i may have made a fic shipping inho and gihun in the most 2021 “🤪✨” ever and published it for the 21st of september 2021 and people are falling for it i feel so bad bro like my account says made in 2024 💔

ive been feeling very freaky because tiktok gets banned the day i get to change my username to the correct spelling and my usa moots wont see it 💔

no ones even talking about it….

someone on tiktok asked me where my eyebrows are… i lied and said im blonde. im not blonde.

i really want usagi to live bro (just remembered why this fic exists … i will focus on aib) coming up to 2 months in the fandom in rouggly 2 weeks! yipee! i remember seeing an edit ‘headcannoning” kuina as trans fem and then i saw another and i was like… omg wait no way actual representation for the abcdefg+ >v< i love kuina so much but everytime i type her name i accidentally write kuian. and when i put a “k” in my keyboard kuina comes up. im obsessed

usagi is fine shyt 👅 i need her to lihh this clihh 👅 

yhe usa military gc leaks are insane like i hate europe too but its different when they do it. 

my local mcdonalds is closed for the next week and a half and its been closed for like 3 weeks now. and im cravinh mcdonalds.. 

also my period started on sunday and is still going. someone put a baby in me because im sick of this (i rebuke this.)

the comphet is hitting hard because ive literally been reading chishiya x yn. like i dont picture myself because my ass is not surviving the meteor in the first place 💔 (and because we left yn in 2021) i lowkey fw mira x yn but thats different cause its mira guys. 

chishiya pmo. hes so glazed 💔 hes a bad person guys 💔 

nobody gets my love for heiya. shes so sweet and i feel so bad, like i know she was kinda mean but the boys at her highschool pmo 💔🥀🥀🥀 

when i say im the number one heiya gooner im lying, i dont goon 🙂‍↕️ but i am her number one fan! 

niragis piercing pmo like i know your bitchass cried while getting that

he found me crying

i cried

he cried

we both crode.

like the piercing sexcy ashhhhh on others but he doesnt deserve it, also people who say he isnt a rapist for what he did to usagi, you are correct but he sexually assaulted her (for everyone saying it was the same as heiya theres a difference, see i dont defend rapists no matter what no matter of gender but look into her trauma guys. why dont we talk about it? also id like to clarify i dont think she should’ve done that and there is no excuse but we should pay attention to something other than men like yall glaze every male and ignore the fact that heiya was innocent in the manga ) 

they ruined so many female characters and i personally take the manga as canon as its the original, i dislike chota for being a pedophile in the manga and being creepy and gross to shibuki, everyone who says heiya tried to sleep with a middle schooler 1. shes 17, obviously i dont think 17 year olds should date 15 year olds but stop calling her a pedophile 2. she didnt know his age yall . 

anyway whew i thought id write a bit but i wrote a lot, im getting so good at grammar guys! yipee!

im not even fucking kidding im british but like south east british so i sound like bloody peppa pig, gwendoline lacy and hermione all in one. say “miss can i go to the toilet please?” in a posh child accent and youll sound like me.

also my cat is so suki coded (her names suki, i am the biggest devon aoki fan) technically shes named after her mummy (i sound like britihs) (becuase i am but thats besides the point)  who passed 😕 but her mum is named after suki from fnf but we always tell sukis actual name meaning cause shes an orphan and we love her guys 😚 i actually dk who her dad is but shes a rescue so noone does

also i think my cats are lesbians. they arent biological sisters and they know they arent cause they met after a certain age where (is that the right were/where?) they gain brain power🙂‍↕️👋 but they might be sisters idk man 💔 like im saying it as a joke but what if bro. what if. 😭 either way they have the classic brunette and black hair cliche so me and my gf are projecting onto them😎 (i clarify that i do not think my cats are in love but they did have there face in eachothers kewch. i think they should stop doing that, its like the 5th time.) (id also like to clarify im not sexualising my cats, i just think its funny them doing allat, i do not think of my cats sexually and if i did i would like someone to put me in a taxi into the ocean and leave me there forever) 

i just started watching shameless cause i watched it for nicole sakura scenes and now im starting from the beginning! 

also alisa uruhama has liked my comment twice on insta 😎 (we are married in my head) i cant tell if the photos she posted are her getting married and shouting out the people taking her photos and her getting in the magazine or if its just a photoshoot for the magazine 💔

anyway sayonara suckers 

word count: 1000!

heh.. youre welcome

Summary:

no one fw sesbian lex like i do 🥀

hands so bloody new chapter, kuiann. oh my god. i love them, i owe the author my first born child. no one was talking about anns truth, my baby [cry]

heh.. the author noticed me, after 7 years of campaigning i paved the way for lesbian rights 🙂‍↕️! i feel lowkey bad though (had to look up conciliatory, which humbled me) but i can confirm i was silenced and i am more yham happy 👅👅

[binalakai-archive]

i also wish people would be more receptive to relationship speculation, at the very least. there were so many moments in fionna and cake where simon and fionna’s interactions had me raising my eyebrows and thinking “wow, what’s up with this chemistry rn?” but i know posting about it to see if others also noticed would get me dogpiled lol. glad i’m not the only one entertaining the ship and its implications to/for the characters it encompasses.

also winter king/simon is intriguing as well, if only in a weird homestuck self-shipping (dave and davesprite anyone?) kind of way where both characters get to have major epiphanies bc they’re basically looking into a mirror (may be more of a funhouse mirror for winter king/simon but still works lol)

i do not ship any of these pairings, please dont take this post from a shipping perspective

i apologize in advanced if this post is said messy. its given an opening to many things ive been thinking about since the start of the show and i know i wanna come back to it in case any new developments were to happen at the final season 1 episodes tldr; Kai Talks About how much i Love Very Messed Up Pairings, not because i want them to actually be together, but because i am NOT the type to ignore Seeds That Have been Planted in canon so i will Grow Horrible Realizations i've been having out of them

YEAH NO BECAUSE I LIKE. I JUST WANNA POINT OUT WHAT'S CANON OKAY!! i think this post is like. the only one ive seen that Has Pointed out The Adventure Time Ice King/Fionna dynamic in the lenses of the Simon we have today....and even then thats just a joke post :")

because like. okay. i need people to think about this for a second: yes, ice king didn't Come With with Fionna and Cake's existence, but why in the world would he Choose to be responsible for writing it? for bringing their stories to life and showing off a world that's been living in his head? i genuinely think people don't really like the ugly side of how badly loneliness has mutated Ice King's way of thinking (i mean for gods sake the guy tries to kiss/get with anyone, mf cant even recognize the person he claims to be falling in love with). that, yeah. of course if he had a World Living inside his brain that felt so Real to him that he CONSTANTLY wished for it to not only but true, but one that would be close to him!! one that would welcome him!!!! no matter what itd be, romantic, platonic, To the point of Worship....like ANYTHING that would bring him closer to genuine Connection in his alienating experience. NOTABLY for fionna The Human!!! the human that parallels a real life actual kid that mostly has kicked Ice King's ass to eventually treating him like a Poor confused Old Lost Guy. still, i need to stress the kind of dynamic finn and the ice king have is NOWHERE near the kind of dynamic fionna and ice king have (and even with simon developments included). . ...except this time around, even when he does have his own parallel Ice Queen existing manifesting the Must Needed Rival for their universe to make sense, mutating her character into something that to make her more Vicious/Violent, making Ice King seem Nicer In Comparison and dare i say that, yeah...! some of that HAS been carried onto modern day Fionna!! who CANONICALLY has romantic feelings towards ice prince and the winter king, parallels to ice king/simon himself! just. sorry but i NEED both Simon and Fionna to like. Read Those Stories. I Need them to revisit the VERY specific stories that Ice King felt the need to tell in the first place, his and other people in their lives' inclusions. it would not only reinforce Simon's Influence in the world Period, something that he found himself doubting on ...but also I NEEEEEEDDD to see that can of worms opened. i NEED for Fionna to see for herself the people SHE'S supposed to be representing. i NEED for her to see what kind of void she's been filling in Ice King/Simon's time of existence. i NEED for her to see how big the Obsession GOT, how badly Ice King needed that outlet of escapism (and how much Simon still returns to it in the present day)

^ this moment has been living in my brain ever since the announcement of the Fionna and Cake series that Fionna's fixation on the ice prince, her life, her..everything in general, is more or less a Weird Reflection of the lives of People living Greater Lives than she ever believed to have lived, combined with how said proclaimed experiences of Magic have only been recorded by a guy who Inserted Himself in a world she doesnt even recall living in Im surprised that. hasnt been so Stressed yet in show. im prepared to eat my words if they DO come back to it. but for the time being i really wish Fionna found out how desperate Simon/Ice King was for someone to acknowledge and Desire His Existence, to a degree that would be absolutely humiliating/weird to uncover but Necessary to come back to in order to truly understand the Scope of what 1000+ years of Madness through Ostracization (from others and eventually the Self) Does to a MF

__________ AS OF FOR MY THOUGHTS ON THE WINTER KING, he alas only truly an episode to explore. but the thoughts still exist nonetheless!!! for the most part i can only truly indulge in it out of pure hilarity for its existence, while acknowledging how much im so thankful that winter king was characterized as he was n didnt overstay his welcome, as i didnt find him necessary to stay in the narrative . there's a lot of feelings i have about simon/ice king's perception of himself alone, and how most of it is Either Negative or Overcompensation Due to his own self negativity. which makes me curious on what could come of a Better Version of Himself, looking at the version of himself that has "failed" to conquer the crown the way he has, but contemplated on pursuing romantically, even for a brief moment honestly, i dont blame people for being invested in this pairing (in comparison to fionna/simon, where i cannot myself entertain it even as a joke unlike this one). it makes me curious on what the Winter King's definition of romance is in comparison to Simon's. what could even be desirable, possibly, in the eye's of the Winter King? Does the love of someone you'll go mad over truly make you a Better Person Or Worse? Simon and Winter King existing in the same room together brings up so many questions and possible ways to explore Simon's character. wayyyyyyyyyy less of a "this can be simon's way of practicing self love" thing and MUCH more of a "These Guys Kissing each other would be the equivalent of the Narcissus Tale but with a Distorted Reflection that only Represents You because the reflection Demands That of you"

[nothingbutflowerz]

hi im anon that was holding during work today,,

i finally couldn't hold it any more and went maybe half an hour ago im sorry :( it felt so good though with the weight of my monitor on my bladder and wiggling around slightly as I typed on my lap desk,,

i held it until after dinner because after that the weight of the food in my belly made it almost impossible to sit up without feeling like i was gonna lose it and i don't live alone so i was too scared to actually wet myself,, i think in total i went for ten hours but i don't remember to hydrate despite talking to people all day so it wasn't as bad as im making it out to be except near the end because i got one of those route 44s from Sonic and it was all over for me,

anyway um! ty for encouraging me you're the first nsfw blog I've ever interacted with this way you just seemed so nice. ill write one of the things you asked for in your recent post as a thanks ;p

can i claim anon names?

if so I'm taking 🐞 Anon :3

ouhh my lord this is a great ask to get holy moly..

im so glad you held that long wow im really impressed, even if you didnt drink a lot thats a LONG time...i cant imagine how full you mustve been !!!! very good...

im happy i was good at encouraging you!! i always try to be the nicest i can be cause ik theres an abundance of rude doms on here and i just cannttt stand being mean, so i wanted to give the people who like nice doms some good stuff too!!

andnyes you can claim that!!

[thegongoozlerreacts]

Dead Plate (Part 1)

hello!! its been a while since ive posted but here i am!!! so this game is Dead Plate created by STUDIO INVESTIGRAVE

i had played one of their games before, Elevator Hitch, and i really really enjoyed it! so im very excited for this new game that theyve released

though, this game is probably really different from Elevator Hitch, because that game was a visual novel type of game while this one has restaurant tycoon gameplay

still, im very excited

i hope i can get all the endings today (but probably not) as always, spoilers under the cut!

i know its literally just the title screen BUT it looks very classy

also the music? its a bop like yo BellKalengar is the composer and sound designer and like yo!! amazing job its literally just the title screen and im amazed already LMFAO

alright then lets begin

lolol i like the way they named the buttons for doing the tutorial, skipping the tutorial or just leaving the game on auto progress time to show up at 5 am then

the art is really cute these characters are really cute too esp the protag

i know its just the tutorial but i am very nervous LOL doing service jobs make me nervous (even tho this is only a fictional one)

bro protag why did u skim the interview thing 😭 is that why u've had 28 jobs in 7 years 💀

ooh interesting the cooks have an order in which they cook meals i need to remember that

wow so theres a lot to do huh theres seating the customers, taking their orders, bringing those orders to the kitchen, serving the food, going to the cash register to take their payments, cleaning up the tables AND throwing out the trash its a lot more than i was expecting,,,, lol good luck to me i guess

so like fun fact im actually not that good at playing games LOL esp this kind of game where theres like people and they have like a happy meter kind of thing going on i wonder if any of the endings will be tied to how well we do during the work day ?? probably

also can i just say that the music is really good i like the kinda jazzy (is that the right word??) vibes going on

it makes me less nervous about serving customers since its very chill LOL

WHY IS THIS CUSTOMER HITTING ME WITH A HARD QUESTION

I HAVE NO IDEA IF WE HAVE TO-GO BOXES OR WHATEVR WHAT HUH ?????

there is a right answer and i have no idea what it is im gonna lose my mind please. ok well lets pick an answer

im gonna go 'no' since the restaurant has a strict menu that changes daily right? so maybe they wouldnt do to-go boxes or ordering ahead and stuff (RIGHT???)

oh phew ok i picked the right one

LOL the banter between the protag and the tutorial guy (i dont know his name)

??? what the hell this customer just left right as i got the food bro 😭😭 have some patience damn this aint a fast food place

now i have to throw away this perfectly good meal (sorry cooks)

oh no now the real game is starting uhh aight alright then lets go

ok so that was like only three customers, i did pretty well but the day's not over yet shdajhsdsakhj i feel like a disaster n it was only three customers LMAO

oh it was only 3 customers for day 1 nice (i got jumpscared by the sound effect for the day ending LFMAO)

ooh green onion rolls,,, it looks good damn now i want to eat LOL

BITCH YOU LIVE LIKE THIS?????? damn,,,,

the music for this area is pretty chill tho

THE BATHROOM IS FLOODING??? AGAIN ?!??! BRO ??? THATS DISGUSTING

the window has a horrible view its just another building

oho? she? who???

bro dont leave the dishes for later thats sooo gross

??? HOW DID YOU BURN CEREAL???? WHAT DID YOU EVEN DO ??

i am appalled at the protag's lifestyle i cant even

so he has not finished writing lyrics and love letters for this girl he mentioned earlier the game is not revealing her name and im wondering why hmm its very sus

sorry im laughing so hard??? its mostly empty except for some cans and the fucking green onion rolls im cackling?? they look so out of place in this fridge LMFAO

bro how are you so bad at cooking that you burnt food in the microwave??? what are you doing???

wait. is his bed the couch???? bro i feel so bad for this guy

he biked through the rain,,,,, and he thought doing it fast would dry him,,, in the rain,,,,, im starting to understand why he somehow managed to burn cereal

he doesnt own an umbrella

aww this is cute thanks boss

he LIVES here??? wow damn his apartment is upstairs thats very cool

LOL protag keep ur mouth shut

day 2 here we go

SHIT HELP I TOOK TOO LONG ONE OF THE CUSTOMERS LEFT NOOO im restarting jkdsljlds its a good thing i saved

ahh i did way better this time but the day ended right as i was about to take out the trash LOL

oooh those look tasty too

oops ok so like i started day 3 right

well i was like 'i'll take out the trash before serving any customers' so that i can just easily clean up the tables right

uhh but then suddenly this happened ??? so like protag dropped the bag and cut their finger and the boss is having an odd reaction to the sight of blood methinks

HTHE BOSS JUST SLAPPED HIM ??? WTF

bro he just slapped him then was like 'oh dw someone else will clean it up' hello???? you just slapped ???? me ???

ok then moving on to the rest of the day i guess??

kinda weird looking but it still looks appetizing (the magic of art LOL)

oh shit theres a magazine ?? oops im gonna go back and read through previous ones oh nevermind its just the same one lmao

ohhh so this is where i buy items ok aight

and this catalogue is how our protag knew about the job for a waiter it also has an interview with our boss (Chef Vincent Charbonneau, i finally know his name) about the low number of employees i was wondering why we were the only waiter in the restaurant and i guess thats why

ok i bought the rollerskates cuz i need to be faster for the customers

oh and u can interact w the telephone to call 'her' but she doesnt pick up oof

sorry what is happening right now

what is that weird squelching sound?!?!?

BRO?? WTF WAS THAT ??? so like his body felt itchy, pressed Z to scratch and then suddenly lines were all over his body and then knives came out and i am so very confused

i think that was just a dream but what a weird nightmare

i guess onto day 4 then ?? at least i have my sick new rollerskates now

ooh that looks tasty

man i think im too slow cuz the timer always runs out while one more customer is still around lmfao, oh well

oh shit another nightmare

ohh so i can only equip one item at a time hmmm well since i bought the watch anyways i guess i'll use it

PFFT A CUSTOMER LEFT SORRY LADY,, she was waiting to be seated but i was preoccupied with serving food oopsies

restarting the day then

the nightmare hmm is the protag's name Rody since thats what it says on the label

DAMNIT I TOOK TOO LONG AGAIN

ok im just gonna use the rollerskates this time

AGGHH I KEEP TAKING TOO LONG ON THIS ONE CUSTOMER

restarting again,,,,

should i just let it go? probably but im not going to

IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND IVE RESTARTED SO MANY TIMES

ok well youve not seen it but i have restarted day 5 soo many times and i am hungry so,,, here's where i'll leave it for today

even though i am struggling and getting frustrated, im really enjoying the game so far! i wish i wasnt so terrible at playing it so i could see more of the story LOL

like what is up with the boss? who is this girl that the protag likes so much? what is up with his weird nightmares??? and will i ever be able to finish day 5 ?????

tune in next time LOL byebyeee

[popuptent1]

Sooo i just finished reading the kamokedai match and i need to express the thousand emotions going through my head rn (rant)

WARNING: VERY HEAVY SPOILERS and a BUNCH OF YELLING AND RANTING

if you dont wanna get yelled at i suggest you ignore this post :)

yes yes I know im VERY late to the party and that this manga ended years ago but i just finished reading this so lemme just get it outta my system and ill be on my way

First of all WHAT THE HECC FURUDATE WHY U GOTTA DO US LIKE THAT

they rlly made it so that hinata got sick at the worst possible time huh

like i get it, its to build even more tension but they didnt have to do that i mean cmon my heart was beating stupidly fast while reading that. Takeda even made a whole like five page speech to hinata which is what made us readers all go "oh ye we're losing this match arent we"

And they even made tsukki have to go on the bench cause of his leg becuase why not rub more salt into the wound amiright?

Anyways after the out of pocket plot twist where hinata goes to the hospital it not much of a suprise that kamokedai won but it still hurt ToT.

Yes, i actually thought they had a chance of winning ok? i get that kamokedai is much better than karasuno but still. they couldve won ;(

and then out of nowhere ITACHIYAMA LOST??!!! like what the actual flic flac??!! bro is hitting us with 50 different plot twists at once. First hinata get a fever, then tsukki also goes outta action, then they lose the match, then itachiyama also loses the match WHYYYYYY

i was not mentally prepared for this and was so looking forward to seeing sakusa and the libero whos name i forgot play against fukurodani in the finals but NOPE I GUESS WE AINT GETTING THAT TODAY

Now onto the MAIN REASON I AM TYPING THIS (yes im just warming up here folks)

I am a HUGE fukurodani fan they will always be my #1 favourite team

i thought we were gonna see the semi final and finals matches after karasuno lost but NOPE they just skipped those and was like TIMESKIP TIME WHO CARES ABOUT FUKURODANI :D

(i havent read the timeskip yet since, apart from bokuto, none of my faves are playing volleyball)

so naturally, i turned towards google to see if they do win the nationals

I WAS SO CERTAIN FUKURODANI WERE GONNA WIN THE NATIONALS YOU HAVE NO IDEA I PUT MY HEART ON THE LINE AND WAS 100% SURE THAT THEY WERE GONNA WIN EM ALL YK WHY??

DO

YOU

WANT

TO

KNOW

WHY

BECAUSE FURUDATE MADE IT SOUND LIKE THEY WERE REALLY DESTINED TO WIN THE WHOLE DAM THING

SO WHEN THEY LOST TO SOME RANDOM NOBODY SCHOOL THAT WE'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF AND DOESNT HAVE ANY BACKGROUND AT ALL ACTUALLY KILLED ME SO BAD

they purposely got our hopes up and made us think that fukurodani were gonna be the ones to win (FUKURODANI WERE THE PROTAGONISTS OF THE WORLD, not karasuno!)

i fell for the trap, hook line and sinker 😭😭😭

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

seriously i dont get why furudate couldnt have just made fukurodani win instead?? everyone would be happy about that, and its not like its unrealistic, they're an amazing team, as shown multiple times in the manga!!!

GRRRrrrrr i am angry and sad and mad and depressed and my heart hurts and i feel like screaming into my pillow again

but i feel bad for being so negative in this post so i will end it on a (sorta) positive note for those who actually read that far into this rant lol

THIS ENDING OF FUKURODANI ACTUALLY MADE ME DIE (out of happiness this time)

they arent that depressed about losing bc they know that 2nd in the WHOLE OF JAPAN is still an AMAZING FEAT and that if they werent on the same team, then they wouldnt have gotten that far

konoha says hes grateful and considers himself super lucky that they were all on the same team (and specifically that bokuto was on the team since he's one of the nation's top aces)

and wow thats so amazing i just cant

MY EMOTIONS AHHH

anyways sorry for yelling to you so much, i just had to get this outta my system

The manga was GREAT and i enjoyed reading it so much haikyuu is my favourite anime and im so so glad i stumbled upon it!!! i seriously cant wait for this to get animated

drink water and i wish you happy tumblr scrolling 👍👍👍

[sugar-omi]

STOPPPP OMG ILYT 🥺💞 i was so close to breaking that rule for him tho. only for him...he just looked so sweet and gorgeous and the way i was WANTINGGGGGG. i am not beating the yearnergirl allegations...

IM LITERALLY SCALING THE WALLS. SPIDERWOMAN WITH THE SHITS. YOU BEST BELIEVE THE SECOND I GET THE CHANCE TO WED 'N BED HIM I'M BOUTTA DO SPLITS ON IT. JUMPING JACKS, EVEN.

I WAS LITERALLY . OH MY GOD OKAY SO WHEN I BLUSH SUPER HARD IT GOES UP TO MY EARS AND ACROSS MY NOSE. AND I KNOW DAMN WELL HE WAS SEEING THAT IN FULL VIEW TOO OH MYGODDDDDD ENDING IT ALL ENDING IT ALL WALKING ONTO THE RAILROAD TRACKS RN. IM SO EMBARRASSED GAAAAWD

im gonna beam your consciousness into the kuromi pin that kicked everything off a la astral projection. that way you will always be there in spirit to watch me go googoo gaga over cute boy...

HELPMEMMEMEMEEE I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE AN EXTROVERT...BEING SOCIABLE AND QUICK WIT IT IS IN MY BLOOD...MY GENES EVEN...don't get it twisted tho i was literally shitting myself trying to come up with those one liners before he could notice i was overthinking HELPME

on a more recent note, he's been texting me since 7am (he has early classes + the evening shift today so no hangout unfortunately :(( but he promised to text me throughout the day whenever he could EEEEEEEE) and he suddenly asked me what perfume i wear. i tell him i use this one body mist and he sends an ok, AND THIRTY MINUTES LATER I GET SENT A VIDEO OF HIS HAND SPRAYING A BRAND NEW FRESH-OUT-THE-BAG BOTTLE OF THE BODY MIST I USE AROUND HIS CAR??? FOLLOWED BY "that way i don't have to forget last night :))"????? HELLO????????? AM I INSANE. IS THIS A MOVE. IS TH

JUMPING JACKS. PLEASE. LET ME BREATHE

also omg yes. I will happily possess your kuromi pin so I can watch love unfold ✨️ IT'LL BE LIKE THOSE MANHWA'S WHERE THE OBJECT IS ACTUALLY A GOD FORCING THE FL AND ML TOGETHER BUT THE GOD IS JUST KUROMI... wow so powerful

HELPAJAB IM A WHEEZONG. SFOHHTING FOR MY LIFE. FUFK DO YOU MEAN HE BOUGHT YOUR BODY MIST N JUST SPRAYED OT AROUND HIS CAR????? LITERALLY JUST ASK YOU TO MARRY HIM WHAT THE FUCK

THIS IS A MOVE. THOS OS A BIG MOVE WHAT THE FUCK

WHY CANT I TYPE. THIS ISNT EVEN HAPPENING TO ME. I WOULD BE ON THE FLOOR???? ID COLLAPSE IN THE MIDDLE KF THR STREET SEEING THAT. WHAT THE HELLL

omg you have to share your luck with me, bless me queen of attracting yearning men. 😔🙏🙏🙏🙏

BUT DW ABOUT THE BLUSHING. I KNOW IT HAD HIM CLAWING THE WALLS LIKE AN ANIMAL BC MY EX/BFF BLUSHED A LOT WHEN I SAID SHIT AND I WAS LIKE A FERAL BEAST IN A PADDED ROOM. ITS SO CUTE. SO GOOD. SO..SO....

ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY SAY SHIT BACK EVE. THOUGH THEURE BLUSHING TO THEIR TOES. LIKE. OH YOURE FLUSTERED BUT YOURE NOT SHY ,THATS 😳😳😳😳 YKNOW???

also. must add on. THAT BUYING YOUR SCENT MOVE IS SO CUTEEE PARTICALLY BC "aww you love my smell" and "omfg that's so hot that you went out of your way to buy my scent *insert linger demonic ramble about how hot that is. at least to me istg*" BUT ALSO. "aww, youre (kinda) trying to one up me by flustering me by buying my scent but I saw how you stuttered and blushed n twiddle your thumbs boy!!!! you are obsessed!!!!"

sigh. please. this is so cute. n so good. n so hot. n so sweet.

istg if that happened to me.... all imma say is, niagara Falls. 👐👐

[thumperdaetime]

as a nightshift worker at a long term care facility where i have been assaulted by someone with poor mental health- i can not support this post more.

i want a serial drama where the scenes are out of order so you have to rely on context clues to find out what's going on and who everyone is. at the end of the season its revealed that your pov character is an old woman on hospice with in home care.

i want indy games where you have to work the nightshift at a shitty nursing home and if you treat the people badly the general morphs into a horror survival because you deserve it. ( its hard to treat people well because of understaffing)

i want to see a 127hr style movie about a disabled person banging on the walls and throwing thing around their room because no one has changed or repositioned them and they know it only takes 3 hrs to get a pressure sore.

i want a novel written that focuses on a woman in an assisted living facility that starts as a romance between her and another resident. becomes a drama when the staff has weird rules about where and how she can see her boyfriend. and becomes a phycological horror as she realizes (not for the first time) that the man is her abusive ex husband who she left decades ago and now cant recognize or remember.

i want a short story about soldiers playing poker at the mess tent missing home- that you realize halfway through that its actually about disabled/elderly veterans playing poker at the dining hall missing home again.

all of these ideas are based in things i have seen in my life and They are fascinating moving emotional stories about the type of ageism and abuse and greif you get in our society today. and Yet. AND YET. every medical story i see boils down to "wow its scary that people have bad brains sometimes. they're practically monsters."

The worst thing is that there is so much potential for exploring the horror of psych wards from the angle of medical abuse, ableism, forced treatment/drugging, loss of autonomy, power imbalance, demonization, dehumanization, etc, and YET the horror genre keeps defaulting to "insane asylums and psych wards are scary because there are mentally ill people in there"

[just4jinx]

YESSSSSSS omg yellowjackets is so good fr. i've been obsessed w it since i discovered it last year

rip to ur longer hair, but im sure the new color and haircut will look amazing!! :D

WHAT. i don't get caitlyn slander tbh. we all make mistakes so its okay <3 also that body is incredibly TEA so like leave her alone. ppl just dont get her like i do!!!

mac n cheese sounds delish im jealousss AND OMG THATS GREAT what type of makeup did you do??

heat's being awful today but apart from that, im good ^^

i should probably watch it then omg atp i need a list of recs <\3

and no fr ill send my friend an edit n she’ll reply “its a shame shes evil” EVERY TIMEEE like we cant be serious rn. body is so tea ur right wow need her or whatever

im telling u the mac n cheese was amazing omfg.. and i just did some smokey eyeliner with big lashes!! super cute actually outdone myself. OH and i tried a new lip combo. do you do yours at all??

i ended up watching some animated movie n crying like 3 times bruh im so glad to finally be chilling in bed LMFAOO

i hope ur staying cool n hydrated then! and im glad ur good!! <3

[goblin-enjoyer]

Probably should have stated this sooner but I kinda accidentally slept till 5 pm today(yesterday technically but eh i kinda put off making this post) and I am going to try and stay awake until the next night tomorrow (today). the only way to fix this sleep schedule in the making is to brute force myself to the point where I HAVE to sleep at a normal time. trying to go to bed before my body's ready just causes me to sit around in my bed for several hours until it feels like sleeping, sleep medication only works if go well over the intended dose and even then it barely effects me and while writing this I just realized that I could have put an alarm so I don't oversleep again but I hate alarms and in typical my brain ™ fashion I have already said I was going to do a thing and now I gotta do that thing until I can't do that thing any more or until it is done. and I am really tempted to just cut my losses and set up the alarm and go to bed. this post was originally going to ask for help keeping sane and awake for this punishment of my own making but in typing this out to post it actually got me somewhat out of this mental autism brained prison. I feel my shackaling to my own orders loosening as I find another way and as I dump these thoughts on tumblr. wow so that's the use of tumblr huh? zog me does this feel good. I feel free like the genie at the end of aladdin! the .5 gits who would actually bother to read this crabp don't realize the significance of this. All my life I have been imprisoned by stupid orders from long ago that my robot bloody zoggin brain doesn't realize aren't rules like gravity where you have to obey them or else you shut down. it's why I can't watch streams because if I get caught in a bit, I will be stuck in that bit until someone tells me to stop. It's happened before, I got so tired from doing it that at the end I was internally begging for someone to put me out of my misery so I wouldn't have to do it anymore. when a mod finally told me to stop, I don't even remember if i said "thank you" before i quickly turned off the sleep and went to pass out from overexertion. I will have to research this method of "internal law breaking" later because im trying to get better at being a person and its kinda hard to do that when you are running off of decade old rules for specific things like an ancient construct still doing the same task for 10,000 years because their long dead creator never told them to stop or do something else before dying. i'm going to set that alarm and get a sweet 5 hours of sleep (10:00) as the call of these new quality pajamas i got for christmas that i've been wearing all day (and the reason I slept to 5 pm) is getting me good. I swear 3rd most comfortable thing in recent memory. 2nd is when I went to sleep in my robe without my fan on a nice post christmas gift opening morning with a sunbeam directly on me. 1st are/is that/those dream/s when I was in a maid dress, (slashes are because i cant remember if i had more than one because thinking about it may or may not have caused more dreams about it) though that might be cheating as in a dream, all feeling is simulated by the brain, so it could recreate any feeling it wanted to at levels impossible in real life, with no issue. If dreams weren't just shuffled up brainwaves that happen when the body is in rest mode, id think this was a very unsubtle message about transing my gender or something. like brain I get it, Im probably transgender in some way shape or form, I don't heavily dislike being called a man in specifics and despise body hair growing on me to the point of wanting to remove my flesh for no reason. but can you like wait until im 25 or something? I don't really feel like a fully formed adult yet (nor do I feel like a youthful individual. I feel like having the only real consistent social interaction you do be with people double your age will do these kinda things to you as well as just being 20 in general) and I don't know enough about all the rules and junk about it all to make any big decisions. guess its just more envy 4 me

[aajjks]

Jungkook raises a brow at Mrs. Monica and says “Sure I need a break anyway. If I see one more error I think I’m gonna hurl.” He snatched his keys, wallet, and phone and gets out of there with Mrs. Monica in tow trying to keep up with his long strides.

He is also gentlemen like so he opens the car door, he heard her say “Thank you” and he nods as he get in a drives toward a bistro. They sit down at a booth and they start talking but bunny koo’s thoughts were thinking about you. He is thinking this while maintaining a stoic face.

~~His mind~~~~

[I wonder if she is alright? I hope she is, I want to take care of her. She makes my heart pound..wow she is amazing.. I WANT TO MARRY HER! LET HER HAVE MY BABIES! WHY CANT SHE NOTICE ME LIKE HOW SHE NOTICES HER FRIENDS?! I know I know it is wrong.. but mmm she makes me feel good whenever I look at her.]

~~~end of his thoughts~~~

He thoughts get cut off by Johnathans voice, and he couldn’t help but hear a wholesome conversation about you.

Meanwhile at Johnathans table

His friend “How is you little crush, Y/N doing?”

Johnathan blushing like a mad man and pushes his friend lightly “Hey stop teasing me.. I kissed her forehead. I might have overstepped a boundary but she is so cute in her study mode!” He actually gushes

His friend his shock and says “Well I hope it works out, have you told her anything about liking her like that?”

Johnathan says “No she doesn’t like distractions, I have seen the way she looks at me when I distracted her it is kinda scary, kinda hot and I am fine with that.”

Back to Jungkook’s table

He maintains the stoic attitude and mysterious aura around him but his thoughts were anything but peaceful as he rages with jealousy, his demon was about to come out and he hates it when this thing comes out.

He licks the side of his check as he keeps hearing the conversion and Mrs. Monic notices his sudden mood change and she is trying to distract him but she doesn’t want to overstep boundaries.

Jungkook looks at the pregnant lady who is married as a blessing because he actually can fight his demon when someone is distracting him. He is grateful but he wished it was Y/n because his demon goes away when she is near. She doesn’t even have to try, her presence is all it takes for him to calm the heck down.

Meanwhile with Y/N

As she is studying she gets a notification of he boy bestie who she has a crush on texts her about a science problem that he is actually struggling with, she was his last resort because she knows he is really smart. So she is on call with him and helping him.

He smiles and says gratefully “Oh my you-you really are godsend! You are an angel I am forever grateful thank you so much. I should have thought of that before. I am sorry that I trouble you.”

Y/n smiles and says “Not to worry my dear Suho, I got your back my friend.” Suho smiles and says “Alright got to go love ya bye!”

Y/n blushes slightly and says “I love ya to bye!” Once she knows the phone is clear of any calls she giggle and gushes “Oh my! He said I love you heheheheeh!” She does an awkward little dance before she goes back to studying.

-✨

Jungkook comes back home after a long day, and he is still very much pissed about what happened today at the campus he doesn’t know how to calm down.

He really doesn’t want to commit a murder so maybe a threat will do the trick.

He picks up his phone and takes out a paper. He quickly changes his Sim. And then typed a number on his message app.

stay. away. from. her. Or you’re dead.

He smirks as he sends the message to Jonathan. He had picked up his number from the school before coming back home.

This Shall be enough to scare the kid away but if not, he’s not scared to take this to drastic measure.

He then open his Photos and his changes as he stares at a few of your pictures.

“How… are you so pretty…” he whispers to himself as he drinks his soda.

“cannot wait to see you tomorrow, princess.”

[dumbbitchfrommars]

i finished bridgerton and im sad. im sad because i feel like lady danbury deserved more... and im scared that my life will end up like hers. i dont know. i feel like we all deserve more than a life without love. 

today was so hard. every day feels so hard lately. im so overwhelmed with emotions, and ive been punishing my sister. im sad that i wasted our time together being like this but she was annoying me too... but she doesnt deserve to feel like a problem, or like she has to step on eggshells around me. i keep on facing this darkside of myself and its disappointing and shameful. im selfishly angry and aggressive and mean. i need to loosen up on others, and be kinder, and warmer, and all those good things that i feel like arent being provided to me. im sad shes leaving tomorrow cause i dont know when well see each other again. probably in 3 months... i hope. last time was 6 months ago... it will fly by! 

in this economy its getting harder and harder to see the people we care about. but shes only a flight away...! i dont know. i guess its sad feeling so distanced again now that were changing and we dont talk as much. i want to be there for her but were going through entirely different situations. 

im frustrated by my lack of a backbone. i hate my job but i do nothing about it. UGH! i hate the types of men im attracting yet i dont send them away, i open my life to them. when i know that by doing so i leave no space for the keanu reaves/oscar isaac/tom hardy types that i know i want and deserve. UGH! what happened to the bad bitch with a good music taste, amazing style, sexy attitude and too cool for school vibes? i completely lowered myself to feel validated by pathetic boys, only to wonder why i feel like nothing when i realise their validation means nothing. in fact, it actually lowers my worth, because now i think that i belong in their league. 

i win at life when i realise my focus could be on myself instead of boys and relationships. i cant help it im a horny hopeless romantic! i miss the days where i was consumed by my stories enough to distract me from the real thing. now im indecisive over a dilf that i absolutely know is not the right decision for me.

anyways, yes, im sad and pathetic and wallowing in all my annoying and inconvenient emotions because im a woman and im definitely not living up to my full, amazing, beautiful, incredible, awesome potential. ONE DAY! one day. ugh. thats what makes it all so much worse, honestly. knowing everything im capable of, but sitting here idly being bored and drained by my lack of stimulation. its such an easy thing to fix, no? im surrounded by distractions. i just need discipline, to detach myself from this addiction to distraction. i managed to free myself from weed and bad people. even cigarettes, though that never really counted for me, i was never addicted, i am strong willed. i can free myself from this too! i am already so dedicated to my body, making myself the strongest i can be to feel my best and most confident. but the final piece of the puzzle is strengthening my mind, and my wit. wow. 

this feels like such a revelation now that ive managed to conceptualise it. like all this time ive been so lost, and confused, and wondering what was missing from my awareness, to help me understand what ive been doing wrong. its this! i need to dedicate myself to my mind. it will solve everything ive ever felt insecure about! i will be a better writer, i will be a better student, a better marine biologist, a better friend, a better guest, a better partner, a better employee, a better person. a better creative. and a better divine being. because with knowledge comes connection to all things...

im figuring it out. im on my own path and timeline. and ill take it step by step. and one day ill look back and smile and laugh and cry about the journey ive managed to complete, all on my own. always on my own. because i am a strong, independent, magical woman. with music to heal and soothe me, and those who came before me to teach me and guide me, and my loved ones to support me and celebrate me, i will accomplish everything i ever dreamed or wished for! like i always said so. i am determined. i am determined. i am capable of anything i put my mind to. i will expand my knowledge, and become a makeup artist, and become a marine biologist, and get my divers certificate, and do beautiful makeup for my beautiful friends, and create endless stories, and memories, and love, and acceptance, and nurture myself as a gorgeous flower only learning to bloom.